Is It Everything You Wanted?

Is it everything you wanted? Was it all they said it would be? When you left and went the other way, was it all it was cracked up to be. Did the lights shine through the window. Was there Angels at your door? Did it open up the flood gates of your heart just once more? 
Have you ever thought about leaving? Have you ever heard my name? Has it ever stopped you in your tracks and made you think of me. When you go to sleep at night do I ever cross your mind. Cause I’m telling you this once, you’ve never left mine. 
I always sit and think sometimes why did we choose this path. If we just fought a little harder would we be each other’s last. We were young and tainted lovers. Listening to everyone but us. We couldn’t face the facts that each other was enough. So we’re sitting here beside them wondering how it could be. If just one of us had fought enough, this heartbreak would never be. 
Im not telling you this to hurt you or to make you cry for me. I’m just saying what’s been on my mind and I’m sure it’s not just me. You can’t tell me you don’t feel it. You don’t think it, you don’t know. How it feels to look back and wonder just what went wrong. If God was ever on our side right now id just want him to say, that one day this pain will go away and we will both be ok. 
Is it everything you wanted? Was it all they said it would be? When you left and went the other way, was it all it was cracked up to be. Did the lights shine through the window. Was there Angels at your door? Did it open up the flood gates of your heart just once more? 
-Lola
Always Remember You’re Beautiful!

Breastfeeding Shame

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Ok so you know how in the magazines they have the beautiful pictures of the mother calmly and lovingly looking down at their baby while breastfeeding? They have a smile on thier face and they seem to be effortlessly feeding and bonding with the infant. Well let me just say that if breastfeeding was that easy everyone would do it.

But it’s not. It’s hard. It gets easier and yes it’s natural and your body knows what to do but it’s not just something you wake up and know what to do. Even if you’ve had more than one child it can be harder with one child then it was with the other. I have friends who say they couldn’t breastfeed at all, while some say it was easy and others say they dried up within a short few months despite breastfeeding exclusively the whole time. The issue I have with some is that they try and shame other women or make them feel bad for not being able to breastfeed of having to supplement with formula. As women and mothers we should applaud and encourage each other every step of the way. Motherhood is hard and not having support is harder.

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Let me be the first to say I was one who thought well since it was easy the last time it will totally be easy this time. But um no honey I was wrong lol. With all 3 of my kids breastfeeding was different. My oldest daughter I could only breastfeed for 2 months, my son I breastfed and pumped exclusively with no issues what so ever for 8 months and with my youngest daughter it’s been a challenge every step of the way. I also feel like I had such a successful time breastfeeding with my son because I had so much help and the hospital I had him in was amazing. Whereas it seems I tend to have my daughters in hospitals that aren’t as helpful or attentive at all.

Breastfeeding for me has been rough the first 2 weeks being the worst. There was crying on many occasions from me. Sometimes while feeding her. I was extremely engorged for the first week and a half so much so that even pumping was excruciating and then by the time I worked through the pain and frustration of that my nipples were so sore and battered that it was still very sensitive and somewhat painful a time when breastfeeding.

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Now 5 weeks later it’s so much better. The pain is gone for the most part and at times it’s just uncomfortable rather than painful. Pumping has been a challenge and since I’m going back to finish up my cosmetology license I have to pump for someone to feed her whole I’m gone. So I have had to supplement breast milk and formula but she’s transitioned well. I now breast and bottle feed her and she does well with both. When I am with her I rarely bottle feed so we still have that bonding time and so my milk supply stays consistent and continues to come in and when I’m gone I pump for her bottles.

I beat myself up for weeks and even cried because I had to supplement. Because some people and even a doctor told me not to. They made it seem as though I was feeding my child rat poisoning or something. I felt so bad and was made to believe she wouldn’t breastfeed or take my breast anymore because I was bottle feeding and because I was supplementing. Luckily I worked through that and she has proved that she will be fine and takes both breast and bottle very well.

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Exclusively breastfeeding and not bottle or supplementing is great for a stay at home mom that doesn’t work or go to school and never goes anywhere without baby. But for moms who work, have school, run businesses, etc. sometimes you need to supplement or bottle feed. It’s life and baby won’t hate you for it or grow up not feeling loved as long as your loving on them and raising them right it will be fine. Your child won’t grow up to be a cereal killer because you didn’t exclusively breastfeed though that’s how some make it out to be lol. We should empower and encourage one another to do what we can as mothers. There is no wrong way to parent as long as the child grows up happy and healthy in my book. So this has been my breastfeeding journey so far.

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How was your breastfeeding journey? Was it smooth sailing or did you have issues? Talk to you soon dolls.

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Always Remember You’re Beautiful!

-Lola

Extreme Couponing and My biggest Fear

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So I watch the show extreme couponers. I also see the huge stashes these people have and I think, “Good Lord I don’t think I need 28 boxes of pasta noodles and 48 tubes of toothpaste, but she got it all for only 48 cents so I guess it’s worth it right? Lol.

Well after my extreme fear of becoming a hoarder or worse getting to the register and trying to use my coupons and they not work or my calculations are off by crazy amounts so I have a cart full of that toothpaste and those noodle boxes with a $200 total to pay, I decided to see how some other moms were saving big bucks on the items that they needed and some even donating or bartering items they didn’t need for things that they wanted.

As a makeup artist and extreme enthusiast of the beauty community in general I have since gained a lot of beauty products. Whether it be makeup, hair accessories and tools, etc. With that came a heafty price tag and I eventually had to slow down. I’m not some popular guru getting things sent to me for free all the time so I can’t just run out spending hundreds a month on things that half of I still have yet to even use or try.

Well I have seen some makeup lovers like myself getting all the makeup and hair accessories, etc for extremely cheap and sometimes free with the help of couponing. So there struck my interest in actually trying couponing since I could use it toward something I loved. Making both myself and my husband and our wallets happy (mainly his, lol). Especially now since we are trying to save to buy a house in the next 2 years. Money is important and with the economy in the toilet Lord knows we need to be saving. So here I am starting on my couponing journey.

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As you can see I got right down to it. Clipping and sorting away for 3 hours. Only to end up going to the store and using not 1 of my coupons because none of them were either what I needed or what the store I was in would use. So I got home and realized there is so much more to the art of couponing. So I need to continue my research. It’s clearly not something you can just jump right into. But I will continue to update on my couponing progress and what I’ve bought and saved. It’s clearly harder than I thought lol.

Until next time,

Always Remember You’re Beautiful!

-Lola

Models, Boobies and Breastfeeding

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So there has been a lot of controversy with breastfeeding lately. In the past few years or so there was controversy with some retail stores that have told people they couldn’t do it in the store. Formula companies implied that formula was a better route. (Which seriously? What do you think healthy babies were drinking before formula? But ok.) It’s like breastfeeding is being made out to be a shameful and obscene thing to do. Almost like half naked women walking into children stores or some pervert exposing themselves in public. Really guys? We’re obscene now because we want to nourish and feed our child the natural way? Especially with models posting posed pics of themselves breastfeeding on social media.

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Photos courtesy of Pinterest.com

Giselle I commend. She’s not naked, her breasts aren’t exposed. She’s working and she’s lucky enough to be able to work and breastfeed instead of pump and how many of us moms would love to be able to empty our engorged breasts the natural way rather than with a pump? She’s behind the scenes. I’m sure someone asked if they could take her picture and without a second thought she said yes. Because no one thought it was a horrible, indecent thing to be doing. Miranda is naturally feeding her baby in bed. Normal stuff.

Now I have breastfed both my children and I plan to give the breast to the new baby coming. My daughter was my first and she was really hard. I had a really hard time with the breast with her because she was bottle fed when born due to being premature and in the hospital and being in the NICU. (I partly feel the premature status was ignorance on the nurse and doctor being impatient but whatever) I was young, scared and inexperience and had people pushing me to just give her the bottle and not even try breastfeeding. So that was short lived. I didn’t have as many resources and other moms on how great breastfeeding really was. With my son I was able to successfully exclusively breastfeed and then still pump for awhile when he started teething for almost a year. This baby I plan on exclusively breastfeeding for that long at least or longer if possible.

Yay for the boobies :0)
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Now I breastfeed in public. No I don’t whip my boob out for everyone to see or stand with my shades on fondling myself with milk spraying everywhere (I produce A LOT of milk lol) and just start feeding. I get myself and baby situated and comfortable put my nursing cover on and let baby go to town. I mean it’s common courtesy. No need for any thing outrageous if I don’t have my blanket then I use a burp cloth or just make sure baby’s on the boob and my shirt is down enough to cover. I mean kids are in public also and there’s no need to force parents to have certain talks with their kids early lol.

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Photo courtesy of moms.popsugar.com

So what I have a problem with as far as public breastfeeding is that people that don’t understand breastfeeding, don’t have children, don’t care, like to complain or whatever find it even more disturbing when they feel girls are making it out to be a stunt for internet popularity or Instagram likes.

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Really? Um a little to, uh natural for me.

Posing while breastfeeding unless in a magazine or otherwise just feels like to much. Whether the person meant it to come off that way or not there’s just something about a mother posing for a picture standing in a dress with shades on and holding baby just in front of the boob.

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Photos courtesy of theybm.com, clutchmagonline.com and Instagram

Because whether it’s posed or behind the scenes mom has to have someone take the pic. So did you rush to get semi comfy for your stand up and pose breastfeeding moment? Because I think breastfeeding would come across better to unknowing people and those not educated on breastfeeding if you were idk sitting down and focusing on baby. Because that’s part of the purpose of breastfeeding right? Health benefits and bonding with baby. Not look at how beautiful I look while holding my child and breastfeeding.

I mean this is serious business. We’re trying to get people to be ok and not make a fuss about public breastfeeding but some people just make others points valid. But how can you look at this and think it’s obscene?

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I just felt like sharing my opinion (which I am entitled to) and venting a bit on the breastfeeding fiasco that has been going on lately. We as a proud breastfeeding mothers community need to take a stand with helping end breastfeeding shaming. But please ladies keep the posed, one foot out the door, shades on, standing photos to yourself. Because unless you are in your kitchen or doing something and you happen to have been breastfeeding please stop taking those posed pics. Breastfeeding is a bonding experience. Not a publicity stunt.

Always Remember You’re Beautiful!

-Lola

Miscarriage and TTC PT. 2

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At our first exam when the doctor tried to use the Doppler to find the heartbeat he heard nothing. A few hmms and huhs later he said either your earlier than we thought or the baby has passed. A terrified feeling set over me that this was happening to us yet again. After we told family members and all. The doctor sent us to the hospital for an ultrasound after what felt like us telling him to do so. However that was an even bigger nightmare. We went in with hopes of getting better news or better explained information but instead we met two more medical professionals who seemed displeased with the career they chose. After the ultrasound and looking over everything. The ultrasound tech got up and walked out. We were sent to another room and a doctor came in and said we couldn’t find a heartbeat. We think the baby may not have survived. It’s measuring way to small for what we were told by your doctor so either he’s wrong or your baby is dead. Yes that’s exactly how he said it. Like he ran out of the last pair of sneakers on the shelf. We left the hospital filled with extreme emotion. Just a bundle of crazy feelings.

My fiancé said no, no that’s not it. We are getting you another doctor. We deserve answers. Your not bleeding, your still slowly gaining weight and eating a lot more (He said sorry honey, but it’s true, lol) and nothing that happened last time is happening now. We will go somewhere else. So we did. I found a new doctor within a week. I got an appointment luckily about 2 weeks after the whole ordeal. Though that 2 weeks was torture we made it through. We went in and I told my new doctor everything. How my doctor and the hospital staff treated me and how they flat out said my baby was most likely dead. We did a vaginal ultrasound and it was determined I was only 8 weeks along by now. Which meant I was only about 4 or 5 weeks along when they were trying to use the Doppler and doing over the tummy ultrasounds just going on what my doctor had told them. That’s why we didn’t hear a heartbeat or see much movement, it wasn’t much to see or hear then. My doctor explained everything. We heard a heartbeat, got an actual due date, measurements, ultrasound pictures and had some tests run just to be sure and went home with peace of mind and comfort. Feeling blessed that our baby was still alive.

Later we found out we were having a boy and we were both so excited. The girls were excited to. All they really understood was I swallowed a baby brother and he would come out sometime soon lol. Their doll clothes were more than ready for dress up, though I had to tell them boys don’t wear dresses and lipstick lol. A lot happened throughout my pregnancy. We had a lot of stressors happen during this time that took a toll on me during my pregnancy. I went to the hospital I believe twice with contractions later in my pregnancy around the late 20s and early 30 weeks but to early for him to come out. I was monitored and sent home. But all in all our son was born August 13, 2004 he was premature like my daughter weighting 5 lbs 2oz born at 35 weeks gestation and I labored for 12 hours. After my son I was told this was a miracle and probably my last child. My body can’t carry kids past 35 weeks and I miscarry which isn’t good either. 4 years and another early miscarriage later I am 12 weeks and 4 days pregnant today.

My advice if your TTC or you feel like your doctors, or whomever just aren’t taking any time to really care for you and work with you I would change them immediately. Don’t stress it to much either. I tweaked my diet and health lifestyle some and we got pregnant. My pregnancies may be early and we may have angel babies along the way but we are blessed to have our babies. I wish you all much love and support in your journeys.

Always Remember You’re Beautiful!

-Lola

Miscarriage and TTC PT. 1

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Hello loves, since this segment is such a long one I have split it into 2 parts to make it easier for reading.

Miscarriage is never easy and neither is TTC actually. I mean obviously the actual act of which needs to be done is fun. But the waiting, the tricks, the tips, the ovulation counts, the wondering, that moment when you thought you were pregnant because you were a few days late but either your count was off or your body is just being evil, the test taking, that dreaded moment when you have to wait those god awful 2 minutes for the test to be complete and it says no, the hopelessness, etc. That part is not fun. Not even in the slightest bit. But we do it and we continue to do it for that moment, that scary, happy, exciting moment when you find out your with child after waiting for so long.

My story is a bit different. I got pregnant and had my first daughter right out of high school. Birth control malfunction and being a naive 18 yr old will do that to you. But nonetheless I had my daughter September 19, 2004. She was 5 lbs when she was born at 35 weeks premature and I labored for 12 hours. I feel looking back that they possibly could have done more to try and stop my labor but didn’t. After an hour of meds and contractions they decided to speed things up, break my water and later deliver.

After my daughter was born. I went to the doctor and after a few tests and a check up I was told I can’t carry my pregnancies to full gestation. One of the causes was possibly a birth control I was using had caused a bad reaction in my body. I had literally bleed for 6 months straight when I started it and when I finally stopped taking it a year later when I realized something was wrong. Also possibly because I had cystic ovaries. I was extremely ill one day and in so much pain. I went to the hospital to find out that one cyst that had gone undetected had burst and it was the worst pain aside from child birth I had ever felt. You can’t stand, you can’t move, you can’t breath, even laying down or being touched hurts. Almost like passing a kidney stone which I have heard is equally painful. I had also had menengitis at a point after having my daughter and almost died because I thought it was the flu so I tried to nurse it at home first before being rushed to the hospital eventually when it just got worse. I was told it would be extremely hard to get pregnant if I could at all because I wasn’t producing eggs normally either. At the time I accepted my fate, thinking well ok I’m not going to get pregnant anytime soon anyway. I’m only 19 working and going to college.

3 years past before I met my now husband. We weren’t trying to jump into having kids anytime soon. We both had a daughter from a past relationship so we thought a small blended family was best for us at that time. We got a new place and new jobs and things were progressing in our lives slowly from there. I told my husband about the possibility not being able to get pregnant. We came to terms with it and didn’t get our hopes up or expect anything to happen. We tried to get pregnant for almost a year but nothing happened. Then later after about 7 months we found out I was pregnant. We didn’t announce it or tell anyone at the time because we wanted to make sure everything was ok. But sure enough before my first Dr. appt I woke up bleeding extremely heavy and knew we were having a miscarriage. It was devastating. As a woman to feel like you can’t carry a child or do the one thing as a young woman you take advantage of and try to avoid at all costs is the worst feeling. You feel like a let down, less of a woman, like your not normal because you can’t do what God made you to do.

After our miscarriage we were certain that getting pregnant was not going to happen. Seeing pregnant women or babies made me sad for awhile but I prayed and focused on our girls and the things going on in our lives and soon things got a bit better. 6 months later shortly after Christmas I was on the phone with my bestie when I had a sudden urge to vomit. I got off the phone a sure enough was sick in the bathroom. I chalked it up to the seafood leftovers I had eaten and continued on with my day. But I just kept feeling ill so my friend urged me to take a test. I had counted and realized I was late and hadn’t even noticed.

When my husband (fiancé at the time) had come home I told him what was happening and that I was late and we went out and I bought 5 tests. Yes 5, I know crazy test lady over here lol. I took them at all different times and they all lit up pregnant immediately. We were scared, happy, excited and terrified all at the same time. We again told no one until we went to the doctor. We made it to the doctor had blood work done and it was confirmed that we were pregnant. We were excited. Shocked that it had happened and that from my calculations at least we were already 3 months along.

That’s the end of pt. 1 loves, I will try and have pt. 2 up tomorrow or by Saturday.

Always Remember You’re Beautiful!

-Lola

The 2013 VMAs

The 2013 VMA’s was full of surprises this year. Some good, some bad and some WTF?! But here’s our run down of what went on.

THE GOOD

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(Photo taken from mashable.com)

More like the amazing, OMG moments of the night.

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(Photo taken from Popsugar.com)

NSYNC performance. It just brought you back to the days of having their posters on your wall and you jumping up and down on your bed when their videos came on TV and JT was just amazing. They all looked great to.

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(Photo taken from tvline.com)

Lady Gaga the opening act. I was so excited. I love the new song. She looked amazing. That body was on point and she was just as crazy, wild and her performance was amazing. I also loved her gays dancing with her. AAHHHHH just perfection.

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(Photo taken from ign.com)

THE BAD

Ok so I guess everyone decided to wear the same thing to the awards this year in different ways then? Because all I saw last night was jewels, feathers and lace. Not to mention 2-Chainz looked better in the Versace print pants both he and Grimes wore and I still hated the outfits.

It was so hard to choose some outfits that I loved just for the lack there of. Here were my top 5 best and top 5 worst outfits of the night.

Best

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(Photo taken from google.com)
Ciara looked beautiful and showed off her body in her Givenchy Couture feathered gown.

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(Photo taken from justjaredjr.com)
Ellie Goulding. Her dress was amazing for the simple fact it was different, not sheer, see through or lace, lol. The spiked, floor length number with high slit looked beautiful.

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(Photo taken from justjaredjr.com)
Ariana Grande in her Kenly Collins little floral mini was pretty and age appropriate.

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(Photo taken from perezhilton.com)
Jennifer Hudson (pictured with Adam Lambert who looks sharp btw) looked lovely on the VMA red carpet in a Dior top and skirt. Very nice and well put together. Not as glam as some but hey it’s not feathers, lace or see through lol.

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(Photo from google.com)
Mary Lambert. Lambert looked beautiful in a floor length sparkly gown.

Worst

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(Photo from gossipcenter.com)
Snooki and J Wow. I’m assuming they went prom dress shopping together? Oh wait that’s right it wasn’t a high school prom. You ladies have come a long way with your style but come on.

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(Photo from google.com)
Iggy Azalea. She’s a beautiful woman but I was so tired of the lace, sheer, and everything else I just couldn’t deal. Her Emilio Pucci sheer gown matched her hair and skin tone on the VMA red carpet. Not a winner for me.

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(Photo from google.com)
Miley Cyrus. I’m guessing with her new changes and her performance that night she was so excited she just threw on whatever was shiny and jeweled to stand out in the crown? Her Dolce & Gabbana outfit was not a hit with me.

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(Photo taken from google.com)
Erin Wasson. I mean really, do I even have to say why she was on this list? It looked like she literally put on a black bandeau top and black boyshorts and slipped on a sheer curtain. She topped that off with a Givenchy turban.

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(Photo taken from google.com)
Rita Ora. Some may have been a fan of her Alex Vauthier dress but I can hardly say the same. This feathered long-sleeved gown with white fabric in the front and that black band. I just wasn’t a fan at all.

THE WTF?!

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Miley Cyrus Performance

Now I have no problem with growth and change but for real though what was up with that performance and those outfits?!

Teddy bear baiting suit
Nude bathing suit
Jeweled Red Carpet pantsuit catastrophe

I’m just saying and why in the world are you grabbing a married mans crotch and twerkin on him when his wife is clearly in the audience? The tongue all out, the whole time bro really?! The facial expressions in the crowd just said it all, I mean really.

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(Photo taken from chicagonow.com)

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(Photo taken from google.com)

Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez

I mean really yes they both looked pretty last night. I’ll skip over the fact that they both wore navy gowns which just reminds me at how young they are. It’s like matching with your best friend on a night out but whatever. I’ll go right to the fact that I thought it was the Taylor and Selena show because the cameras panned to them literally the entire show. Like OMG we get it they are there, but really? Do I have to look at their facial expressions through every single performance?! So many other celebrities I wanted to see that night and all I could see was the same circle of people the entire night. MTV get it together next time.

Well that was all for my take on the 2013 Video Music Awards. What were your best and worst moments of the night?

Always Remember Your Beautiful!

-Lola

RIP Angel

I would just like to take the time and say RIP to Talia Joy. She fought hard and ended her battle with cancer at 11:22 am.

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Prayers go out to her family and in the hopes we can fight to end cancer one day. Talia was an inspiration and such a sweetheart with so much spunk and excitement for the beauty community.

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Let’s all take a moment and remember this beautiful angel. I think Talia would definitely agree with my closing today. :0)

Always Remember Your Beautiful!

-Lola

Sleepless Heartbreak

I’ve never felt pain like this. A constant battle with your heart and soul. Something you thought was so right be so wrong. Just one day or night could change your whole life. You thought for good but it was for bad. There is no butterfly effect. No time machine. No magic to make you forget. The thing that’s hurts most is you’ll be fine. You’ll forget about me but I won’t forget about you. No matter how hard I try. That’s my curse, the only magic trick I know. Is to never forget and to never let go. So should I just pretend. Until it all turns true. Should I just act like I never knew you. If I keep repeating it. Will it be for real. So one day ill wake up and my heart will heal.